RE: NEED a DP (for FOOD&DRINK)

Date: 2012-09-24, 12:01PM PDT

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Whoever posted the AD below, I truly admire his/her guts...
This guy is asking for any DP out there with 5D or 7D (notice that a specific type of camera is required. It can't be Panasonic HVX200 because it's too outdated), and he generously offers...

FOOD AND DRINKS WILL BE AVAILABLE.

Wow, I have a 5D so I'm entitled for food and drinks. That's a fair deal because I'm feeling hungry and thirsty lately. I'm wondering if I throw in my 7D as well, does he add a desert, maybe?

Someone, please advise him that he has a much better chance to find a DP if he waits at the US border for people successfully crossing from Mexico because they are very hungry and thirsty, spending
3 nights in the desert. Of course they all own 5D or 7D (some smugglers even own fast prime lenses)...

Original Post:
I am looking for a DP who has and can work a 5D and 7D camera. We are shooting a webisode and need extra crew. Food and drinks will be available. Great set for networking and meeting new people and perfecting your craft. Be a great samaritan! Looking to shoot within the next week or two!

• Location: Homeless Shelter
• Compensation: Food and drinks, possibly desert, too.  
  

How to get Flagged (a Tutorial)

Date: 2012-09-20, 2:10AM PDT

Start off by offering NO PAY... and requiring that the potential slave have thousands of dollars of Camera, Audio, Lighting or Makeup Kit
as a requirement of the job.
(Remember, those of us that use this equipment probably paid a pretty penny to acquire it... I know I paid out
quite bit for my Camera Gear... so consider that when you look for free rentals)

Try asking a Camera Rental House for free gear...

If you pay, offer an insultingly low amount, like ANYTHING below Minimum Wage for a 12 hour day...
(which is currently $64/8 Hours, $88/10 Hours, $112 for 12 Hours in most of California)

offer IMDB credits and food as the only pay, as if you have some magical ability to grant IMDB credits that no one else has...
(I can create a bogus IMDB page that will get me an interview with Martin Scorsese in mere minutes... so, IMDB means nothing)

Use the following keywords (all as reasons to accept low or no pay)
"Great Crew"
"Fun Production"
"Labor of Love"
"Pro Crew, all donating their time."
"Award Winning Director, In Between Projects"
"A-List Talent all working for free"
"No Pay on this one, but future jobs will have pay." (Assuming you really DO have a next job)
(none of these will pay the rent, or Auto Insurance, real money, will)

Sound like a total Douchebag, and require a headshot for a below the line crew position that will never appear on camera...
(that screams "I only want to hire hot females" that I can hit on while they are working for me, for free...)

THAT, is how you get flagged... in case you haven't already figured that out...

• Location: Production Land!
• Compensation: Yes, you will pay ME!!   

Come work for me for FREE! It'll be AWESOME!

Date: 2012-09-20, 8:30PM PDT

Hi! I'm a douche and I'm making an ULB feature and need crew! I need all the positions filled so please, apply here, but please be advised, I'm only hiring professionals! In order to apply you need:

1. At least 5 years of experience

2. A resume/reel/IMDB link that's gonna knock my socks off

3. A credit card, because I'm probably gonna make you pay for stuff yourself...but keep those receipts, because I "swear" I'll pay you back...

4. A great car...or better yet, a truck...because I'm gonna need you to help me move stuff...

5. An iron stomach because I'm only going to get the crappiest and cheapest food to feed my crew...when I feed you at all.

It's gonna be a blast. This is a total passion project so I'm trying to make this for as little as possible (free) and make as much money off of it as possible. I can't pay anyone because I don't have the money...or actually, I do have the money but it's so much more fun to spend on myself. The whole thing is gonna shoot for 15 days out in BFE and you have to drive yourself (good thing you have that big car). Oh, I'm not paying for gas so I hope you get good mileage! And by the way, can I catch a ride...I don't want to put the miles on my car if you're already headed out there.

You know what, I might just have another project in a few months/years/decades so working on this for free is just like a really long job interview and I "might" hire you again!

So, send me your info. Oh, headshots too...I need actors. And bank information...because like I said, I still need to buy stuff...

And if you're in college, even better...I'll give you college credits for that internship you need...you'll be working for production AND I'll make you my personal assistant so you can expect to pick up my laundry, check my voicemail/fb/email/twitter/pinterest/linkd/craigslist/eharmony accounts, pick up after my dogs (I have 12 Great Danes..hope you like fur) and babysit evenings and weekends for my two sociopathic children...

Copy (if I remember to burn the DVDs), Credit (forever in my heart because I'm not gonna take the time to put this on IMDB.COM) and my undying silent mockery of the fact that you're stupid enough to work for free.

Seriously guys? Let's get real. Shut down free projects...they're insulting to us all.

Location: Hollywood

Compensation: Hugs and unicorn farts.