Date:
2012-09-20, 8:30PM PDT
Hi!
I'm a douche and I'm making an ULB feature and need crew! I need all
the positions filled so please, apply here, but please be advised,
I'm only hiring professionals! In order to apply you need:
1.
At least 5 years of experience
2.
A resume/reel/IMDB link that's gonna knock my socks off
3.
A credit card, because I'm probably gonna make you pay for stuff
yourself...but keep those receipts, because I "swear" I'll
pay you back...
4.
A great car...or better yet, a truck...because I'm gonna need you to
help me move stuff...
5.
An iron stomach because I'm only going to get the crappiest and
cheapest food to feed my crew...when I feed you at all.
It's
gonna be a blast. This is a total passion project so I'm trying to
make this for as little as possible (free) and make as much money off
of it as possible. I can't pay anyone because I don't have the
money...or actually, I do have the money but it's so much more fun to
spend on myself. The whole thing is gonna shoot for 15 days out in
BFE and you have to drive yourself (good thing you have that big
car). Oh, I'm not paying for gas so I hope you get good mileage! And
by the way, can I catch a ride...I don't want to put the miles on my
car if you're already headed out there.
You
know what, I might just have another project in a few
months/years/decades so working on this for free is just like a
really long job interview and I "might" hire you again!
So,
send me your info. Oh, headshots too...I need actors. And bank
information...because like I said, I still need to buy stuff...
And
if you're in college, even better...I'll give you college credits for
that internship you need...you'll be working for production AND I'll
make you my personal assistant so you can expect to pick up my
laundry, check my
voicemail/fb/email/twitter/pinterest/linkd/craigslist/eharmony
accounts, pick up after my dogs (I have 12 Great Danes..hope you like
fur) and babysit evenings and weekends for my two sociopathic
children...
Copy
(if I remember to burn the DVDs), Credit (forever in my heart because
I'm not gonna take the time to put this on IMDB.COM) and my undying
silent mockery of the fact that you're stupid enough to work for
free.
Seriously
guys? Let's get real. Shut down free projects...they're insulting to
us all.
Location:
Hollywood
Compensation:
Hugs and unicorn farts.
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